The State of Things

A (not so) brief catch up here: Its been a year since the last time I posted on here. I for real forgot that I had this blog. Like I completely forgot. And boy have I changed. And not changed. I don’t know.

Soooo… I need to vent a tiny bit, and I can’t do it to people I know irl because I feel like I annoy the hell out of them. Pretty sure whoever is reading this knows what I’m venting about. My embarrassment of a country. Yeah. Not a surprise that when I woke up yesterday morning (at 5 a.m. oh my god), I looked at the results of the 2016 election (against my own will, too. I just wanted an hour of sleep), and when I saw that (I hate saying this) Trump fucking won? Oh. My. God. I broke. I got, what, 5 and a half hours of sleep that night? I stayed up til past 11:00 because I was anxious about this mess, until I passed out from my post-shower sleepy haze. Anyway, the lack of sleep + the bad news = me crying for roughly 45 minutes immediately after waking up. I’m still flashing back to yesterday morning, and the fear/disappointment I felt in that moment. I’m still terrified, actually. And I have to spend the next four years of my short life with this nasty old gum wad and the dirt that stuck to him as the leader of my country (old gum wad being Trump, dirt being Pence. If that wasn’t obvious, lol. I really can’t tell.)

Anyway, I’ve been feeling way worse today than I have in a long time, possibly the worst I’ve ever felt. And no amount of shitposts, memes, and illegally uploaded Bo Burnham songs will help (I’m kidding, I watched the version of what. that Bo uploaded himself, not an illegal version. I would never break the law hahahahhahaha).

I’ve been listening to angsty music to justify my feelings, though (thanks Green Day!) and trying not to think too much about it altogether. Really, I’m incredibly embarrassed and scared of my country, and of the people who live here. I feel like I need to apologize to the rest of the world on behalf of my country, even though I didn’t cause this. I’m sorry to everyone watching our struggles and being affected by whatever stupid shit happens over here. Hopefully, we can do better in four years, if we’re still around.

~Coolio out

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Fun Fact

Exercise and suffering are synonyms.

Another fun fact, directly related to the previous one: I’m suffering.

My abs (more like tum, there’s no visible muscles lol) are in pain and I’m not enjoying it at all. Also, I have absolutely no clue how to exercise efficiently and safely for my body?? Really, I have no business doing pushups, if I’m gonna complain this much.

It’s a good suffering though, I guess. I know my muscles are benefiting, even if my general comfort isn’t.

Last fun fact: from the few exercises I’ve done on my budget of zero, I’ve determined that pushups and sit-ups work the abs, jumping jacks get calves, squats (presuming I did them right) do thighs, and cookie making gets the arms as a whole. Actually, baking in general gets the arms, but mostly cookies (since stirring is so strenuous).

how hard is it to not pick on me

I always hear about people struggling with bullying at school and from peers and whatever, but I’ve really never experienced it like that. The only possible bullying I’ve gotten from peers was in middle school, and that was once and the kid was a jerkwad who needed his butt kicked. I go through more garbage from my parents than I ever have in school. They don’t respect me when I ask them to stop calling me things and making fun of my nicknames, mainly. (Obviously there’s the whole bit where they’re conservatives who don’t respect my political opinions, and it probably does tie in to the name thing.) Now, for reasons that will go unsaid, I am incredibly sensitive about my name. I hate it, and I have good reasons, but I can’t get them to use a different names for other unsaid reasons. I’ve resigned myself to this name, at least for now. But my bestie (he’s two, and incredibly adorable) has given me a name based off of the one I hate, and that’s perfectly fine, because it’s adorable. But as soon as they hear about it, they start using it as though its a joke and teasing me about it. Naturally, I’m upset, so I ask them to stop. Makes sense, perfectly reasonable request, right? Evidently not, because that prompted more teasing. Now I’m semi-pissed and don’t want to be in the same room as them, which is difficult, since we live together. Really though, if they had just left it, I wouldn’t be upset, and they wouldn’t have gotten upset at whatever I said in response to the aggravation. I just wish parents had more respect for their children, honestly. Home situations would be a lot more tolerable if parents did respect their children.

i feel like this is my venting place lol

I guess it is, idk. Whatever. There are more important things to discuss (meaning I’m talking to myself).

Important means Steven Universe and Carmilla, right now. So I mentioned Steven Universe briefly once, I think. Well, we got a new episode today, as we do every Thursday now. Not gonna lie here when I say I had to stop the TV a few times so I could yell. Not like angrily, more like “omg garnet is so adorable sometimes she kills me” or “peridot is so uneducated about earth it’s hilarious” kinda yelling. Overwhelmed, high-pitched kinda yelling. I can’t give any specifics besides “I love you. Bye.” That’s the line that I’ve been replaying and yelling about. (plus Peri ran into a wall, which was pretty funny)

But Carmilla

oh

my

god

carmilla

I don’t think I’ve said anything about carmilla on here ever. That changes now. So I just watched the season 2 finale (16 minutes!!!! that’s like three and a half normal episodes!!!! on top of a new Steven universe!!!!!!! do u understand why I’m yelling!!!!!!!)

and ooooohhhh my gooodddd

just oh my god

that’s all I can say oh my god

(I feel like I’m reverting back to the embarrassing times a few years ago that I try so hard to forget)

not gonna lie I went back to rewatch the Steven universe episode and when I reached garnets little “I love you” line I got up and started pacing the front room and yelling. I even got some oatmeal cookies and angry ate?? ( they were good cookies too)

I feel like I’ve vented enough fo keep watching (and the tv just unpaused lol) I’m going now

~coolio out

Handwriting

So this year I’ve been writing all my schoolwork in cursive, but it’s been a little difficult for me to transfer from print to cursive, as one might expect. So sometimes, I write in print, either to keep my handwriting legible or just through and accidental unconscious choice. Anyway, I was just working on some test corrections for my statistics class, right? I look at the title of my paper, and that’s in cursive, and the work I just did was in cursive, but for some reason, I wrote the answer to the first question in, that’s right, print. Why? I have no clue why. But it’s really getting on my nerves because I can’t just erase it and rewrite it, because then it’ll have the remains of the print under it and it’ll be too hard to read.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, I’ve been alternating between cursive and print “I”. I think what I do is at the start of a sentence, I do a print “I”, but in the middle of a sentence, it flows from one cursive word to a cursive “I” to another cursive word. Knowing the reason doesn’t make it any easier for me to look at though. It’s incredibly annoying right now, and I’m not looking forward to an entire year of handwriting screw-ups like this.

My mom thinks my cursive is very nice, though, so I guess that’s a plus? I wrote something on our grocery board (we have a dry-erase board on the fridge for when someone uses up the milk or the toilet paper or something) and she looked at it and said “Is that YOUR handwriting???” Yeah mom, I don’t have atrocious handwriting like your other children. (Seriously I can’t look at my sister’s handwriting, I get mad.)

Well, I’ve done my, what, weekly (?) complaining. I’ll go finish my test corrections now.

~Coolio out

A Brief Letter to Teachers

1.) I realize you want us to be proficient in your subject, and you want to ensure that we aren’t wasting class time when you’re absent, but busy work is NOT the answer. When you require it returned that class, it isn’t finished. When you make it homework, we don’t do it in class. Come up with a more efficient way of spending our class time and enforcing a lesson.

2.) A three day weekend does not mean assign more homework! I get your thought process. You think, “hmm the students have an extra day, so they can do a little extra work for me and get a concept better.” And that would work, really, it would! …If all the other teachers didn’t do the same exact thing. Also, some students spend their three day weekends with family, and really don’t have the time to spare for your work. Just play it safe and save your students a potential panic attack, and try not to assign more homework than is necessary.

3.) Projects are horrible. I understand, you want students to have more in-depth knowledge on something. That’s wonderful! But when every other teacher thinks, “Oh three weeks in, time for a project!” it really doesn’t help anything. If you absolutely think we need to do a project, give us more class time and refrain from required group projects. Group projects can put a lot of stress on students, especially those with social anxiety. They also bring out the worst in the slackers, so they often end up as single-person projects with a few extra names tacked onto the first powerpoint slide.

4.) This is also project related, but it deserved it’s own note. Presentations are a BAD IDEA. Some students might think “Yeaaah lets get up there and do this” but most will think “oh god not again.” I know in my case, I get incredibly shaky and feel nauseous when I need to present. If you want to ensure that your classroom doesn’t need a janitor, do NOT make students present their projects.

Sincerely, an incredibly stressed out baby.

Those are all the complaints I have right now. If you hadn’t guessed, I’ve got two projects to do, busy work to finish, and apparently some French writing to do that I don’t recall being told about in class *glaring at teacher*

I’m so tired right now, I’m starting to consider feigning sickness tomorrow. But that’s a bad idea, because I’d only end up with more work.

On a completely unrelated note, today is this blog’s second birthday! (Cue the party hats, birthday cake, and those things you blow on and they squeak. You know what I’m talking about, the ones that unroll?) I guess I’m a neglectful parent since half this time, I’ve been absent. Good thing I’m not having children, I’d probably forget they existed. (My tomato plants now have hornworms being eaten by wasp eggs and my marigolds don’t exist any more. Oopsie…)

I’ve procrastinated long enough. Time to go face the hell my teachers helped me bring upon myself. Wish me luck, I guess.

~Coolio out

I need French artists

Not like painters, I’m not looking for any of those. I mean like people who sing in French. Preferably, ones that have songs available on spotify, since that’s the thing I use most for music. Which sucks, because Taylor Swift doesn’t have any songs on spotify :///

It’s cool tho, it’s cool. Not upset (meaning I’m quite upset). Anyways, I’ve already got Coeur de Pirate on my spotify, but I feel like I should branch out some more and listen to different artists.

Also I hate being picky, but I am really not into artists with sucky views on equality and anything that can go under that umbrella. But hopefully nobody is listening to them (hopefully). And while we’re at it, if there are any artists who sing in any other language (including English) that are really good and aren’t jerkwads, go ahead and suggest them.

Anyways, I don’t really have much criteria past that. Actually, if you ever find any artist that you think is good, feel free to let me know, I’m always looking for new things to listen to tbh.

(Unrelated, I went to type something the other day and my fingers immediately went into piano playing position rather than computer keyboard position. I guess my piano class is paying off.)

~Coolio out

Writing Essays is So Stressful

I am currently, if you hadn’t guessed, writing an essay. I’m shocked I started so early, actually. Normally I would have started right now, at almost 10:30, and stayed up until midnight. Maybe since I started so much earlier, I’ll get some real sleep tonight. (One can only hope…) Sleep would be really nice right now.

I’m supposed to be looking at myself and writing like a personal essay. I don’t think that’s a very good idea, given that my personality is a mess, and what I can pull out of it is absolutely not anything positive. But if that’s what the teacher wants, I guess that’s what she’ll get. I’ve spent the past hour trying to remember a specific summer from around four and a half years ago. (Was it really that far? Time is so confusing, honestly. It goes by so fast.) I’ve almost finished the essay, but boy, do I need a break. The only thing motivating me at this point is the promise of Starbucks tomorrow morning, which isn’t normal for me. (It’s quite weird, though. I actually had some on Sunday. Two Starbucks in the same week is especially rare for me.) I’m just having a lot of trouble staying on topic in my essay, so I guess I needed a little splurge on this kind of rambling. (Ugh I sound like a wine mom, saying splurge. Couldn’t think of any other words, though.) I’ve gotten almost 250 words in the past ten minutes. It’s taken me the past hour to get that essay. (520 words at the moment, which is more than I thought it was. Actually, I’m really close to my word cut-off. Weird. Writing is hard, man.) I need to focus a little more, then, so I’ll finish this essay and then do some French. (Listening to some Coeur de Pirate right now actually. To get myself in a French-speaking mood, of course.)

Then I guess I’ll just ~Coolio out for now

some things i didnt say

To the very pretty cashier who smiled at me on Sunday, your eyeliner looked great. Also sorry we looked rushed, I had to go somewhere and we’d spent too long in the store, you weren’t doing anything wrong.

To the girl I ran into in the hallway, I apologize for apologizing in French, because going off of the dirty look you gave me, you don’t speak French and didn’t hear any apology from me.

To the girl who’s foot I stepped on today, I’m really sorry, I don’t think I apologized enough after that. I saw you were wearing sandals, so it had to have hurt more than you let on. Also I’m sorry for putting my hand on your shoulder when apologizing, it was part reflex, part me steadying myself.

To the waiter who called me buddy when taking my order, thank you, but you should have left it at that.

There’s probably more I meant to say but didn’t, but I can’t remember them. I just felt really bad for not complimenting the cashier, really. I just remembered the last few and thought, sure why not.

~Coolio out, I guess

I Disappeared, Didn’t I…

Oh man, I can’t believe my blog wasn’t deleted due to inactivity or something. So, I had the app downloaded a while ago (just under a year, I guess), but I figured that since I never did anything and the app was taking space I needed for important things (Sims, Spotify, and Kim K: Hollywood are very important), I might as well delete it. Well, I went back on my browser on my phone a few months ago after remembering it, but I forgot my login (whoops). I kind of gave up at that point :/ But wouldn’t you know it, while trying to do French homework, which just happened to be a blog response (not done writing that, also whoops), I realized I was still logged in on my laptop. (Also kind of shocked I wasn’t timed out or anything. Weird.)

Anyways, yes, I am still alive. I made it through Physics with a B (yeah, a b for barely am i right), and my other classes weren’t too bad either (meaning the others I made A’s in). My entire summer, I basically either sat in bed or on the couch, always doing something on my phone. I started watching Steven Universe (an adorable, body-positive show on Cartoon Network, very good, I highly recommend it!!) and I’m extremely invested in what’s supposed to be a children’s show. Who cares about that though, right? I’m also all caught up on Adventure Time (also on CN) and Gravity Falls (on DisneyXD I believe). And CN started a new show called We Bare Bears that’s pretty cute too. It has cute animation, and lots of representation, which is a very refreshing change. Really tired of live-action TV (is that what it’s called? I don’t things that aren’t animated, is what I’m saying). Very ashamed to admit that I have started and finished quite a few anime (god I’m such a weeb -_-). I have nothing to defend myself with here, I’m really just a weeb who has zero self-control.

My personal life? Well, we got a dog recently. She hasn’t grown out of the play-biting phase, so I’ve got bruises up my left arm. She’s cute though, so I guess it’s all right. I’m gonna go ahead and say that she’s probably the most interesting thing that’s happened since I left off less than a year ago.

Wow, already at almost four hundred words. Why can’t I write this much in French??? Speaking of, I have things to finish, and it’s almost 11:30 P.M., which is bad news for the one who needs to be up before 6:00 tomorrow. This is pretty much how my sleep schedule’s been for the last week, actually. I’m not excited for a year of 6 hours of sleep a night. Well, I’m gonna go figure out how to respond to that blog post without signing out of this blog. (I don’t need my french class having access to this, good god that’d be terrible)

How’d I end these before? ~Coolio (??? I think this was how I did it idk really)