Anxiety

If you don’t wanna read about my personal stuff, please ignore this one. I just needed somewhere to say all this.
I didn’t really wanna title this “anxiety” but that’s basically what I’m talking about, right? Also I have zero creativity so there’s that.
I don’t know if it was official (can these things be official? Do I get a certificate or something?) But my doctor diagnosed me with anxiety a couple weeks ago (I think she said it was mild, but if this is mild, I am so sorry for anyone with full-on anxiety). That explains why I cry anytime school is mentioned. (I guess that’s my trigger. How am I supposed to avoid that? I don’t think I could have a worse trigger in my situation, man.)
I had all yesterday to do homework, but I’m a piece of trash, so I screwed around and admired the outside because holy cow the sky over our heads is literally the most beautiful thing in existence. I had almost no time today to do homework, as most of the day was at church or spent with a few friends (doing something very important, might I add. We weren’t out shopping or watching movies or anything, so don’t get mad at me.) But today was okay, I guess. I mean, my dad forgot me and my sisters at church (how do you do that? It took a lot of self-control to not freak out at him. If I were to swear loudly, that would have been an ideal time, but I’m a somewhat controlled person so I didn’t. I’m still very upset.) But I was still kind of okay until I got home and sat down in my room, with my backpack next to me. I opened up my laptop so I could do homework (haha we know me, I wasn’t actually) and I typed out what I needed to do (still need to do dangit) and as I was finishing, I started freaking out. (I think I was hyperventilating. I don’t know exactly what a panic attack feels like, but I suspect that might have been it, even though it only lasted a few minutes because I separated myself from the situation (which means I hid in the bathroom with the door locked and I cried) and the average panic attack is a lot longer than that. (I shouldn’t have that knowledge.)) I hadn’t even started my work, and I was already reduced to that. Do you see the problem here? I’ve been trying for homeschooling, but mom has given me this excuse that’s something like “you’re way smarter than I was at your age, how do you expect me to homeschool you?” Idk mom, I mean, you’re looking at the person who’s failing precalculus because she can’t turn in homework or learn the material or anything. What’s worse, I can’t talk about it without crying, so I just don’t talk about it. I mean, the only way I got diagnosed was by complaining about the stomachaches I got in precalculus every day. The medicine my doctor prescribed for my nausea made me extremely drowsy, so I’m stuck with stuff that (I guess) fixes the stomachaches, but I still get extremely anxious and can’t function when assigned homework. I’m fine in a school environment, but when you send me home with homework, that’s when the anxiety sets in. It only follows me to school because I have to face the fact that I didn’t, do the homework that everyone else completed with no problems whatsoever.
Moving away from my utter lack of ability to function in school.

I have been listening to a lot of Twenty One Pilots (have I told you that already? Idk I can’t keep track of my thoughts, they’re too fast) and I absolutely love love LOVE them on my gosh. (Not as much as my bae Adam Young but still wowie wow they’re amazing)

I drink coffee a lot now. I drink it with this weird pumpkin creamer that tastes sooo good omg delicious.

I have to go face this, I guess. I might update you guys tomorrow, if I actually do my homework. Chances are, I probably won’t.

Also, I’m sorry if you read this and don’t really care about my mental state, I don’t really want to make you sit through my sad story, so I guess that’s why I titled this so bluntly.

Hello, I am procrastination

Yes hi hello my children. It is I. And I am back (in the middle of the school day, but oh well).
I finished my work for one class and have ten minutes that I should be using for other work but whatever.
I thought I should update you guys on stuff. Um I’m reading Ouran High School Host Club (idk if I told you that), I finished season 7 of supernatural, and I’m reading Ashfall by Mike Mullin.
OHSHC is amazing. I just wish Tamaki would stop trying to make Haruhi act feminine. Let her do what she wants, goodness Senpai.
Season 7 was so great, despite the lack of Baby. I’m looking forward to Season 8. Netflix needs season 9 so I can marathon it and watch season 10 at the same pace as all the other fans.
Ashfall is really good. It’s kinda gory, but that’s not bad at all. I just wish he’d have left out this romantic garbage that’s in EVERY BOOK I READ EVER.

I got on my Bible app because I read it daily now (go me) and the verse of the day is 1 Corinthians 13:4-5.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

I just think everyone needs to keep that in mind. Before you criticize someone’s relationship, or get in one yourself, remember this.

I have to leave now my children. Farewell.
~Coolio out

Sweet Dreams

Okay my titles are just utter crap at this point. I do apologize for them.

Last night, I had a dream. It was kinda weird, so I decided to tell you. Okay background information.

I think, after big events that I get really excited and maybe kinda nervous about, I get dreams ranging from “uh that was kinda strange” to “what the heck what drugs was I on omg”. These dreams were somewhere in the middle. They were more funny than weird. (I was at a friend’s party yesterday and I had to wear nice clothes and saw someone I haven’t seen in forever who I really love and there were a lot of internalized emotions on my part.)

Okay, so in the first dream, I was asked to watch something on the stove and turn in off when it was done. Seemed pretty simple, so I set a timer and went with it. Before I could finish it, though, I heard arguing, and it was coming towards me. I wasn’t in any danger though, it was just my parents arguing about the price of something they’d bought while they were out. They had some shopping bags, so I decided to help them carry them in. We got the groceries put away and there was one more bag left. I go to take care of it and iTS A PUPPY. I didn’t know what to do, I was kinda shocked. (Turns out, some guy made them pay $300 for it instead of $200, which both seem like really outrageous prices for a dog. I’d expect, like, three dogs with shots and all of them spayed/neutered and house trained AND toys and trained to play things like fetch. Now you all know what I really want. But I’ll accept lil kittens too omg kittens. I need to stop. Back to the dream.) This puppy was very little and very red. He was kinda fox-ish. He had a white tummy and paws and the rest was red. He was maybe the size of a kitten, but not like a newborn. Yknow when kittens reach that sorta “teen” stage where they’re not babies and not adults and they’re kinda skinny and flexible and all that? He was about that big, but idk how flexible. I was kinda surprised, so I guess the logical thing to do was go take a nap??? So I go upstairs to my room and lie down on the floor and I look over and little puppy followed me! I think this is when I realized how fox-like he was. I mean, he hasn’t barked, he didn’t clomp up the stairs like most puppies would have (actually most puppies wouldn’t have been able to make it very far, but oh well. We’re dreaming right now, logic has no place here). So lil puppy comes over to me and crawls uNDER MY ARM (like Simba did in the Lion King, except nowhere near as sad) and we lie there and cuddle for a while. Flash forward through time and we’re outside with our other dogs (which we don’t have in real life. I think there were five dogs???? Dream me is a crazy dog person I guess. There go my hopes of twelve cats. *sigh*) and my mom is calling their names because they were running around and being noisy, as dogs do. So one of us comments on how puppy, who’s now almost done being a puppy (He’s about teenage puppy size), doesn’t have a name. And so I’m brainstorming. I think of movies and books about foxes and throw out the name Hound, but it got shot down. Then I started thinking about bands??? And I suggested Patrick and Pete, and mom said “Patrick! Great” and that’s where the dream switched into some weird mutant thing that had nothing to do with the dog I mentally created.

That’s the story of how my need for a dog is now projecting itself inside my dreams. It’s not helping anything, my parents won’t allow any more dogs diggity dangit. I need these hopes to be projected into dad’s dreams, then maybe he’d get some common sense.

I am done explainering my dreams to you, friends. Happy birthday, and good day.

NO WAIT I’m catching up in Supernatural and omg I got introduced to Charlie AND Kevin yesterday and it was amazing okay I’m done now.

~Coolio out

Centuries

(I considered titling this “Poisoned Youth” but then realized that this has nothing to do with poisoned youth. Just Fall Out Boy.)

OKAY YOU GUYS I JUST CAN’T

Fall Out Boy released a new song and I’m so excited I’ve got it on repeat right now and it’s just so intense and omg

It’s called Centuries and it sounds AMAZING. Please, take this time to listen to it.

I’m just so pumped now. I don’t think I can form a coherent thought anymore. This post is taking me awhile, you guys.

But omg please listen to it and love it it’s just so amazing please.

ALSO Patrick Stump iS GONNA BE A FATHER AT THE END OF OCTOBER AAAAHHH HE’S GONNA BE A DAD I’M SO HAPPY FOR HIM AH

That’s what I came here to talk about, but I can tell you about Twenty One Pilots, too. I found Forest yesterday and it touched me. I loooove it. (Not as much as Centuries but I mean Patrick Stump.) Anyways, I listened to almost the entirety of Regional At Best and it’s really really good.

Ah okay that’s it. I’ve gotta go internally scream these lyrics.

“Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold. But you will remember me, remember me for centuries!”

*me screaming in the distance*

~Coolio out

Anniversary???

So according to WordPress, I registered a year ago. I’ve been plaguing this website for a year. Wowowow. Celebrate, my children.

Anyway, I’m back. *moriarty voice* Did you miss me?

My fast was a sad failure. I broke after maybe a week and got back on Facebook, but I didn’t get on pinterest till yesterday and here till (obviously) today. Um, I feel kinda out of practice???

So I plan on being Marceline for Halloween this year. Her costume seems fairly simple, but I need to make her guitar. One of my friends is going as Marshall Lee, so we’re gonna be like twins. (Also, Marceline and Marshall Lee are characters from Adventure Time. Marshall is the genderbent Marcy. Google them if you want, they’re pretty cool. They’re vampires.)

Um I started listening to a lot of Marina and the Diamonds. 10/10 recommend. Have I recommended her? Idk, I’m gonna do it again. Also, I found this singer on YouTube, ashestoashesjc, I highly suggest you go listen because Ashe’s voice is beautiful. I personally like Perks (one of Ashe’s own songs) so go listen, as it will make you happy.

Um um um I’m reaaallly out of practice, I guess. I started going on walks again, now that it’s colder. I do actually use it to procrastinate, I’m about to after I finish this. (This is also me procrastinating.)
I currently have homework in about half my classes. (I have to read an entire book still, and research a couple colleges, as well as do some AP physics work. I’ll have you know, I hate physics, okay? Why I’m taking an AP physics course is beyond me.) But I’m over here procrastinating. Okay, I’m gonna go on my walk. Farewell children!
~Coolio out